Last Night

When my husband is away, I can be sure that what starts as me lying down alone in a big bed, becomes an artful human basket weave of arms, legs fingers and toes as the number of sleeping bodies multiplies by morning. Truthfully, I look forward to this. I like knowing that my little ones are tucked in around me safe and warm. I woke to the sound of one of the kids murmuring something in their sleep. It is sure that all children seem angelic as they sleep. As I lay there I was able to truly study their little faces; something you can't do so easily with the constant motion of their little bodies during the day. Each of them carried their own expression. Stinky Pete's face carried the subtle smile of a four year old satisfied with the completion of an adventurous and mischief filled day. Maddie's face was peaceful though her mouth seemed poised to finish the sentence that sleep had kept her from the night before. And Abi, my complex Abi, carried an expression of melancholy in her brow. It has been especially hard for her to be so far from her best friend this year. I wished I could take that sadness from her.

Each glance allowed me vivid replay of their individual journeys over the course of their young lives. I felt satisfied as I watched them take in deep, rhythmic breaths. I could convince myself that even for a moment, the spinning of the earth would slow and somehow buy me time to keep them this close forever. At least our hearts have the depth to hold these precious moments where our memories sometimes fail us. These are the shining moments in my life. I am truly grateful.